Sharon Rosenzweig: Woman of the Book!

54 women artists from around the world, each gets a torah portion and parchment. Our bits of midrash are sewn into a neo-traditional Torah scroll. Much is complete and viewable at http://womenofthebook.org/. There are portions available, so claim one and play in! I chose Behar, so I could paint my favorite invention, Honey Milkand, aka "The Land."

Comic Torah Review - Jewish Library Association

Freeman, Aaron and Sharon Rosenzweig. The Comic Torah: Reimagining the
Very Good Book. Teaneck, NJ: Ben Yehuda Press, 2010. 112 pp. $35.00 hc
(9781934730539); $19.95 pbk. (9781934730546).

As Jews, we are supposed to study Torah and find meaning in our
interpretation of it. This book is a unique piece of midrash. Aaron
Freeman, a comedian and NPR commentator, and his wife Sharon
Rosenzweig, an artist, have created a series of 54 cartoon panels, one
for each weekly parashah. They tell the stories as no one has ever
told them. Some readers may find them irreverent, but the approach is
both humorous and thought-provoking. The portrayal of God as a woman
and the use of celebrity caricatures for biblical characters (Cheech
and Chong as Nadav and Abihu, Elliot Spitzer as Laban) are original.
Telling the story of the Jewish people as a romantic relationship
between Moses and God with elements of Family Feud added puts a
different spin on it. The authors encourage readers to la’asok
b’divrei Torah (immerse oneself in Torah), depicting themselves diving
into a Torah scroll on the title page. This is a true invitation to
study because, as the celebrity Joshua character says, “Yes we
Can-aan.” This will be a great source for discussion in Torah study
groups and book clubs in non-Orthodox congregations.

Barbara M. Bibel, Oakland Public Library, Oakland, CA; Congregation
Netivot Shalom, Berkeley, CA

Isabella Freedman Jewish Retreat Center (800) 398-2630

Isabella Freedman Jewish Retreat Center (800) 398-2630

This Week: Julie Seltzer at the Contemporary Jewish Museum

Prize-winning Chicken Sausage Jambalaya Recipe

For Shoftim - Prize-winning Chicken Sausage Jambalaya Recipe - Judged a winner in numerous contests

Challah for Parashat Shoftim - My Jewish Learning

Nobody, but nobody makes Challah like Sharon but...

Challah for Parashat Shoftim - My Jewish Learning

Parsha Re'eh

Oy this portion gives me such tzuris! The Torah wants us to kill our wives for blasphemy? How about for salty borsht? This parsha also has our god commanding us to rejoice in her presence. Like we need a command for that? What kind of a Jew is gonna kill all his enemies, take their land, homes and clothes, establish a holy empire and then not party? The commandment should be not to party like Nadav and Abihu i.e. get so carried away that Ya as got to burn you to death from the inside out - Oy, that's gotta hurt!

Parsha Eikev - Fluids

Parshat V'etchanan - What's Yours is Mine - The Comic Torah

Parshat Devarim - Spies!

Balak Podcast

Little Mishkan on the Prairie

My teacher and pal, Amichai Lau Lavie, and I performed a maven ritual
for the American Conference of Cantors. We interpreted a bit of
parshat Chukkat which instructs us to find, slaughter and burn a red
heifer. Most rabbis say the red heifer is just one of those odd,
unexplainable laws that we just have to accept., a classic "God only
knows why" statute. But during the discussion part of the ritual, one of the cantors, an
avuncular Heeb whose name ... OK, I never asked it, but anyway, as we
pondered the queer nature of the heifer, Uncle Cantor asked if anyone
had read "Little House On the Prairie." He went on to explain that
the Torah formula of cow plus an aromatic plant plus water and ash is
almost identical to "Little House's" recipe for soap. Making soap from
cow fat and ash is apparently a dirty job which requires a biiig clean
up of the soap maker, the instructions of which are also part of the
commanded biblical ritual.

I choose to think of this as a smoking gun, proof certain that one of
the most perplexing of our god's commandments was just something She
picked up on a library shelf.

Parshat Shlach

Parshat Shlach

Talmud Comics

Talmud Comics

TorahComposition.jpg (JPEG Image, 720x540 pixels) - Scaled (88%)

TorahComposition.jpg (JPEG Image, 720x540 pixels) - Scaled (88%)

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offspring-adam-2x-00.gif (GIF Image, 2136x1580 pixels)

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Aaron Freeman - Meturgeman Ritual - Parshat Toldot

Aaron Performs Maven (Meturgeman) Ritual - Parshat Lech Lecha '08

The Reckoning - Pressured to Take More Risk, Fannie Reached Tipping Point - Series - NYTimes.com

The Reckoning - Pressured to Take More Risk, Fannie Reached Tipping Point - Series - NYTimes.com

Moses Excellent Final Day - Parshat Vayelech '08

Haredim move to eradicate 'foreign' pop | Jewish News | Jerusalem Post

Haredim move to eradicate 'foreign' pop | Jewish News | Jerusalem Post

Secular Don't Want 'Judaism' - But Seek 'Torah' - Jewish World - Israel News - Arutz Sheva

Secular Don't Want 'Judaism' - But Seek 'Torah' - Jewish World - Israel News - Arutz Sheva

MP4s are devil's device, says Orthodox Court - Israel Jewish Scene, Ynetnews

MP4s are devil's device, says Orthodox Court - Israel Jewish Scene, Ynetnews

U.S. soldier uses Quran for target practice; military apologizes - CNN.com

U.S. soldier uses Quran for target practice; military apologizes - CNN.com

U.S. General Apologizes for Desecration of Koran - New York Times

U.S. General Apologizes for Desecration of Koran - New York Times

"Rural Converts Journey Into Judaism - Forward.com"

"Rural Converts Journey Into Judaism - Forward.com"

Parshat Vayekhel - "Eat This Torah!"

This is a leap parsha in a leap year, so we're taking it as a free throw. We'll be back to our normal comics next week but for now, something completely different!

20 Tacky Religious Products Guaranteed to Anger God | Cracked.com

The Comic Book Siddur

Our good buddy Howard Salmon has created a cool new comic. Way to go brother!

Mr. Diety and the Meaning

Another fun episode of our fav podcast.

From Crackle: Mr. Deity and the Meaning - Season 2, Ep 2

Egyptian Cauliflower Soup

Our pal Kelly Kraines explains her creation for parshat Yitro.

Elevator Prayer in Cairo

I've ridden in many, many Chicago and New York elevators where this would have been very useful... and I LOVE Current.com!

Popcorn Locust

Mort's Big Night - Parshat Bo

Usama Bin YHWH - Parshat Va'eira

In November 2004, a United Nations Security Council report described terrorism as any act "intended to cause death or serious bodily harm to civilians or non-combatants with the purpose of intimidating a population or compelling a government or an international organization to do or abstain from doing any act." By that definition our god is lucky the Hague includes no divine court of Justice.

Va'eira Chow Chat

Veiled Chicken/Chicken Chador

Also known as Chicken in a Burka or Chicken Chador, this recipe was inspired by the locale of Parsha Shemot, in Midian, which turns out to be Saudi Arabia. All week we looked at Saudi recipes and spices, hoping to get an early start on the menu, but you never know when inspiration will strike—this time it was Thursday night as I was drifting off to sleep. Aaron woke me with his giggles, and issued the challenge—our chicken could not go uncovered to the dining room, and it must be accompanied by a male element.

I wanted black burkas, and the darkest covering I could think of was purple cabbage. I’ve made stuffed cabbage before, so I used a tomato sauce with Saudi spices. Baby carrots represented the male chaperones. With the purple, red and orange, the dish took on a fiery look, reminding us all of another element of the story this week, the burning bush.

Veiled Chicken Recipe

10 lbs chicken pieces
1 head purple cabbage
1 large onion
7 cloves garlic
1 lb baby carrots
cumin
ginger
cinnamon
salt
pepper
sugar
1 apple
1 pear
2 bottles Ragu sauce

Cut the core out of the cabbage. Put the cabbage in a pot and cover it with water. Remove cabbage, bring water to a boil, replace cabbage and simmer for 10-15 minutes, peeling off leaves as they become tender. Set aside cabbage leaves to cool.

Trim excess fat from chicken and lay the pieces out. Sprinkle generously with cumin, ginger, cinnamon, salt, pepper and sugar. Turn and repeat on other side. Rub seasonings into the meat and under the skin.

Cut onion, apple and pear into bite-size pieces, and mince garlic.

In a large roasting pan, pour one bottle of Ragu sauce. Add the onion, apple, pear and garlic. Wrap chicken pieces in cabbage leaves and lay them in the roasting pan packed tightly together. If there is cabbage left over, add it to the pot. Pour the second bottle of Ragu over the top. Top with baby carrots, sprinkled with the spice mix. Cover tightly and bake at 425 for 2 hours, basting once or twice. This can be made a day ahead—it gets better with age!

Midian Spinach and Chick Peas

Each week our Shabbat dinner menu reflects the themes of the weekly Torah Portion. Last week, honoring Moses' forty years in Midian, our cooking guests were invited to prepare and bring a Saudi-style Shabbat dish. Our sister Susan Levy explains her creation.

Flaming Mountain of the Gods Cake

Each week our Shabbat dinner menu reflects the themes of the weekly Torah Portion. This week, honoring Moses' forty years in Midian, our cooking guests were invited to prepare and bring a Saudi-style Shabbat dish. Our sister Joan Barris explains her creation.

The God of Tricks - Parshat Shemot

Parshat Vayechi Recipe - Buried Chicken

In last week’s parsha, Jacob died in Egypt, was embalmed and then buried in Canaan. We celebrated this in food for Shabbat dinner. The main course was Buried Egyptian Chicken, in which sweet and spicy roasted chicken is buried in rubble and the guests dig it up. The embalming was honored preserved foods—pickles and pickled beets with peppers.

The challah was flavored with coriander, a spice used in Egyptian cooking.

Here’s how it went:

Spicy Roast Chicken with Dates and Almonds
Ingredients:

10 lbs chicken parts
5 tsp cinnamon
3 tsp ground cumin
1.5 tsp ground ginger
1.5 tsp turmeric
1.5 tsp salt
6 tsp lemon juice
2 cups pitted dates
1 cup sliced or slivered almonds
1 quart chicken or vegetable stock
1 large onion cut into chunks

Put chicken in a large roasting pan. Combine seasonings and rub into chicken parts, on and under the skin. Pour on broth and lemon juice. Add chopped onion, dates and almonds. Cover and roast at 425 until chicken is tender, about an hour or so. Uncover and remove most of the liquid (using a turkey baster). Arrange chicken with skin-side up and cook uncovered to brown (I put the dark meat on top).

Promised Land Quinoa
This is designed to remind us of dirt from the Land.

1 pkg quinoa (12 oz)
1 pkg Inca Red Quinoa (12 oz)
@3.5 cups vegetable broth
½ cup light coconut milk
1 cup pitted olives, some chopped
salt and pepper

Measure quinoa into a large pot. Add 2 parts of liquid using any combination of broth, water and coconut milk (we had some leftover miso soup we included). Add olives. Bring to a boil and simmer for 15 minutes until liquid is absorbed.

Cover the roasted chicken with the quinoa and serve with gardening tools.

Why I wear a hijab ... and I don't

Best friends Asmaa Abou Zeidan, middle, and Zahraa El-Zaibak, right, live across the street from each other. One wears the headscarf, known as the hijab, the other doesn’t. The girls tell the Star what everyone wants to know. Why the hijab? And why not?

robyn doolittle - Staff reporter

ASMAA ABOU ZEIDAN 

Asmaa Abou Zeidan scans through her closet and – like most mornings – settles on a shirt her mother doesn't like.

It's a white linen button-up blouse, falling just above the knee.

"She thinks it's too tight," the 16-year-old sighs. "She thinks everything I own is too tight. `That's not the way a Muslim girl is supposed to dress. You're supposed to be modest,'" she says.

Asmaa doesn't consider herself super-religious. She reads the Qur'an – when her parents ask her to. She attends mosque, prays five times a day, and believes in Islam, but right now Asmaa's priorities are her family, friends and being 16.

On a typical day, Asmaa likes to hang around school for a bit after the final 3:15 p.m. bell. Sometimes, she and some friends will hop the 43 bus to the Scarborough Town Centre for some shopping. more

Blogged with Flock

Israel's Comedian Soldiers

When these guys say they killed, they mean it. Israel's Comedian-soldiers.

Tamar and her baby

Challenging Tradition, Young Jews Worship on Their Terms - New York Times

It looks like roll-your-own Judism is not just for aging boomers

A third of Israelis "strictly observant."

It may be bad for Middle East peace but it's great for the Rabbi business. A recent survey claims 80 % of Israelis say they observe "religious traditions."

Presidential candidate Mike Huckabee on Genesis

Biblical Genetic Engineering

Free range organic Kosher...

Free-range, organic Kosher chicken, beef and bison, in Highland Park and they even deliver. Thanks to Peta Kaplan for letting us know about Oakville Organics, oakvilleorganics.com. Their warehouse is across the street from ToysRus, at 1630 Old Deerfield Road, (847) 831-3030. I went there one afternoon and got a tour of the place, giant walk-in coolers and freezers, big open sorting room and 2 guys at desks with computers. They were cute and friendly and eager to tell me about the hecture from real Brooklyn Lubovichers on the pack of Wise chicken wings I bought. The package assured me that those wings came from happy chickens who’s lives included running around in fresh air.

I ordered a Thanksgiving turkey, too.

It is expensive, but if we’re going to buy kosher meat, I want it to mean something beyond supporting the rabbinate. There should be an ethical, humane aspect to kosher. There’s no discussion here of conditions in the slaughterhouse or treatment of the workers, but this is a step along the way.

Oh, they have fruit and vegetables too. I’ll get some when our Angelica Farms CSA season ends.

My Brother's Cheater, Parshat Toldot

God is green

Parshat Vayeira 07

Parshat Lech Lecha '07

‘Alcohol not conducive to Simchat Torah’ - Ynetnews

Orthodox Union warns against serving alcohol to teenagers during Simchat Torah celebrations

Ynetnews - Published: 10.01.07, 19:37 / Israel Jewish Scene

The Orthodox Union in America has called on its synagogues to make sure that teenagers are not served alcohol during Simchat Torah celebrations later this week.

The holiday, which falls on Thursday night in the Diaspora, marks the end of the annual Torah cycle and the beginning of the next cycle, and features dancing with the Torah scrolls in a celebration that often includes alcohol.

"The reality is that no one should overindulge in alcohol on Simchat Torah, as it is not conducive to the spirit of the day. Even adults should be careful that their celebrations do not go counter to the appropriate decorum of our synagogues,” the OU's executive vice president, Rabbi Tzvi Hersh Weinreb wrote in a letter to rabbis and presidents of OU synagogues. more

The best Sukkot weekend evuh!

Perfect weather, sunny, warm clear! We served Shabbos dinner for eighteen Friday night, Persian lamb stew. We dwelled and studied Torah on Shabbos morn. we partied in our Sukkah Motzi Shabbos. We dwelled in the Sukkot of dear friends. In the image above, Sharon delights in the Sukkah of our friends the Ohringers.

The Book of Jonah

Parshat Ha'azinu

L'Shana Tova & Shabbat Shalom

Parshat Ki Tavo

When a gangstuh talks about, "going Old Testament on his ass," she probably means something like the stuff in Parshat Ki Tavo. As Moses final speech continues, he follows through with his theme of, "obey and be happy, disobey and suffer BIG TIME!" The threats in this parsha makes Guantanamo seem like Club Med. It makes water boarding seem a shower massage. The good news is that, like so many of YHWH's threats, She didn't go through with it... yet

Jewish Family Converts to Islam

Secrets of the Star

All 24 letters of the Hebrew alphabet are found in the Magen David. There is no such thing in any other language. - Thanks to Cindy Cossid Stern and her mom.

Ki Tetze - More food fun

This week's parsha included the rules for rape, and this week's garden included the last rape harvest, and such a confluence was almost too easy.

Also in this week's parsha we found the instructions for taking eggs from a mother bird: you must first shoo away the mom so she won't see you taking her eggs.

The eggs were served sunny side up, cooked on top of the rape in a paella pan. The roasted chicken was kept from seeing this by a cleverly improvised divider (silk wrapped box of dishwasher detergent).

Garden discoveries included MEL, Aaron's first watermelon, a moon and stars variety he'd photographed with his new Iphone and shows to anyone who'll look, and now about 9 siblings and cousins of the Golden Midget clan. Rhonda had put plates under them to keep them from the worms.

Also a trove of overly mature lemon cucumbers and many heirloom tomatoes originally from Carla's starts. These, with some beauties from the garden at 61, led to my first gazpacho, all hand cut ito tiny bits.

We returned from our annual canoe trip in Wisconsin on Tuesday night, wet and tired, and had the satisfaction of seeing the shower water blacken in the rinse. It was a wonderful trip, especially in retrospect, where you can be warm and dry while you remember the heroic and amazing acts of, for instance, Diana, who left her leaky tent in the middle of the night in a thunderstorm to improvise an extra layer of tent over the heads of Shani and Dina who were being dripped on. And Leona, camping for the first time in 80 years, who proved it is possible to start and maintain fires in the rain.

Wednesday morning was all about washing and drying. Around noon I decided it would be ok to send out last year's comic without improvements, and there was much rejoicing.

Parsha Chukat

Zeus, king of the Greek gods, was not mentioned in this week's parsha, though the Greeks did, for a time, occupy Palestine. His appearance as YHWH's confessor is a device to let us put words in her mouth about how she might have felt about this week's shocking turnaround in her relationship with Moses.

Zeus is also our way of emphasizing one of the things we notice most in this year's parsha reading, the VERY polytheistic nature of our Torah. But that is for another discussion and perhaps another god.

Shabbat Shalom,

a & s

Sharon Goes Native

Sharon shops for Islamic clothes in Ramallah, the capital of Palestine.

Parsha Ba'alotecha

What's Israel's favorite wineEgypt!" Now that we've finally left Sinai and are on our way to Canaan it's complain, complain, complain. The Hebrews demanded dietary diversity! Though for us it's hard to figure why they needed the extra foods since manna tasted like whatever the eater wanted. We're not sure why YHWH believes that Moses needs prophetic help, especially since, as far as we can tell, he doesn't do much prophesizing himself. The lesson of this parsha is clearly, "Be careful what you wish for."

- SHABBAT SHALOM! - a & s

Parsha Naso

YHWH demands that women suspected of adultery be brought before Her. It's surprising, since last week's parsha condemned any non-priest approaching YHWH to death. We have a theory of what was up. Practically speaking, we imagine the woman standing in the courtyard before the curtain of the Tent of the meeting. YHWH would dwell behind the curtain and pass judgment from there. This is also the Rastafarian parsha. It describes the rules for Nazirs, people vowing to dedicate themselves to YHWH for a specific period of time. The bible's most famous Nazir was probably Samson, who was also the world's first suicide terrorist.

Also in this parsha (but not our comic) is the priestly blessing, the finger arrangement of which was popularized by intergalactically famous Heeb, Leonard Nimoy.

- SHABBAT SHALOM! - a & s

Secret plan to "destabilize" Iran

The Blotter

I think we're all Karaites on this bus

I thought cholent was just the Yiddish word for "leftovers." I didn't realize it was a religious fault line.

According to an article in today's JPost the Shulchan Aruch instructs us to eat cholent on Shabbat lest we be taken for Karaites, who apparently don't believe in ... cholent.

But my best takeaway was that Karaites reject the divinity of the oral law and, most interestingly, believe we should read the Torah and decide for ourselves what it means. Karaites are apparently encouraged to "consult with as many people as possible where there is a question of uncertainty. One can take the advice of a hacham (an especially learned member of the community), but that advice is not binding and the hacham has to be able to prove his view from the Torah."

Isn't this what Jews mostly do anyway? When rabbis (to our stunned amazement) disagree on interpretation, don't we just go with whom/whatever makes most sense to us?

The article quotes one learned Karaite as saying: "Rabbinic Judaism has taken the responsibility away from the individual and given it to the rabbis. But you can't say on Judgment Day that the rabbi told me this or that - the responsibility is on the individual. Every person's decisions are on his head and that's why each person should read and try to understand the Torah."

Isn't this what all Jews are supposed to do? We all live, more than less, by the Karaite motto "search well in the scripture and do not rely on anyone else's opinion."

To me the Karaites are just another bunch of Jews proving Rabbi Friedheim's adage, 'There is only one kind of Judaism, Orthodox. There's only one kind of Jew, Reform."

A Female Nazir?

This week's parsha, Naso, includes instructions for dedicating oneself to YHWH as a Nazir. And just to show you how good that can look, straight outa Kingston comes Zahra Redwood, the new, dreadlocked, Rastafarian Miss Jamaica! Betcha Haile Selassie is rising in his grave!

MORE ABOUT MOLECH THE GOD THAT THE WORLD RULING ELETE WORSHIP

We spend a lot of religious energy opposing old Molech. Here's one version of what his followers are up to today.

Making modern midrash | The Shalom Center

OK, I am obsessed with defending our little comic from charges of blasphemy. This little essay on the Shalom Center site, about making modern midrash is one of my favorites.

Bamidbar sketches

Hellooo Honey!

Meet YHWH's "friend" Honey Milkand. She's arguably the Torah's most desirable character. We'd be thrilled to plow her fields any day.

Mammatus cloud - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

Mammatus cloud - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

Shilpa Shetty

We know/knew nothing about Shilpa Shetty but decided to be inspired by her image for our latest CT character, Honey Milkand aks "The Land." But now we've fallen in love/lust with her, as does Moses in our comic. She's a great character to draw since she is so ridiculously beautiful she's practically a cartoon herself. We've now watched a lot of her stuff on youtube and increase our fanhood with each viewing

Shilpa Shetty Online

Shilpa Shetty Online

Who Is a Leader?

Who Is a Leader?: "'It shall be that when he sits on the throne of his kingdom, that he shall write for himself TWO copies of the Torah ... It shall remain with him, and he shall read from it all the days of his life, so that he will learn to have awe for the Almighty, and to observe all the mitzvot the Torah - so that his heart does not become haughty over his fellow countrymen ...' (Deut. 17:18-20)"

Cookbooks - Jewish & Kosher Cooking at MSN Shopping

Cookbooks - Jewish & Kosher Cooking at MSN Shopping

The Book of Enoch, Section I

The Book of Enoch, Section I: "angel"

A Hunky Entre

Parsha Emor implies that YHWH only likes hunky, good-looking Kohanim. So for Shabbat dinner this week we'll serve Literal "Beef Cake"

YouTube - Iran - Have a Sex Change on Us

YouTube - Iran - Have a Sex Change on Us

"Love is watching someone die". Death Cab for Cutie

Most Productive flight

CT @ 37k - 2

CT over the Atlantic1

The first leg of the Israeli/Palestinian Comedy Tour started well for your humble CT artists.

Parsha Shemot

The End of The Beginning,

This week we slam shut the book of Breishit/Beginning/Genesis. Jacob recites a prophetic poem, blessing and cursing his sons. He blesses Joseph's sons too, predicting that they will "multiply abundantly like fish." Joseph dies after reminding his descendents that, "G-d will surely remember you, and bring you up out of this land to the land of which he swore to Abraham, Isaac and Jacob."

In this week's comic, heaven's newest professor tries to teach rowdy angels what the book was all about.

Parsha Vayechi

The End of The Beginning,

This week we slam shut the book of Breishit/Beginning/Genesis. Jacob recites a prophetic poem, blessing and cursing his sons. He blesses Joseph's sons too, predicting that they will "multiply abundantly like fish." Joseph dies after reminding his descendents that, "G-d will surely remember you, and bring you up out of this land to the land of which he swore to Abraham, Isaac and Jacob."

In this week's comic, heaven's newest professor tries to teach rowdy angels what the book was all about.

Parsha Vayigash - The Big Flip

We begin with Judah pleading that Joseph take him into slavery in the place of his younger brother Benjamin. Joseph is moved. Then like Martin Landau in the old Mission Impossible TV series, Joseph finally ends the cruel deceptions and reveals his true identity to his stunned brothers. All 70 members of daddy Jacob's household relocate to Egypt, though the patriarch himself remains thankless and complaining. In all, it's a very happy almost ending to Joseph's saga. Except of course for the minor problem that Joseph delivers the Egyptians into landless poverty and feudal slavery. But then, this is not their story.

SHABBAT SHALOM! - a & s



Turning tables

Parsha Mikeitz

Oh Brother Where Art Thou?

Joseph was always Jacob's favorite, the son his beloved wife Rachel. Rabbi Reiss says after Rachel's death Jacob substitutes Joseph as an "object of his special affection." In this comic we imagine that once Jacob believes Joseph dead, Benjamin becomes the object of Jacob's special affection.

Meanwhile, back in Egypt, Joseph decides to have a bit of savagely cruel fun at the expense of his father and siblings. - SHABBAT SHALOM! - a & s

A Hazing Gone Wrong

Joseph's brothers did not sell him into slavery. Judah suggested it, but no one agreed. The bros, violent knuckleheads that they were, threw Joseph down a dry well, then ate lunch. Can you blame them? Between his pompous dreams and Jacob's favoritism, we'd have hated Joseph too! This parsha also tells another story. In it Judah thinks he's sleeping with a prostitute, but is really boinking (and impregnating) his daughter-in-law, Tamar. Our hero, Rabbi Moshe Reiss, explains.

Our telling begins with Joseph tossed down a hole because of his dreams and interpretations. It ends with him thrown into a prison cell with guys who needed their dreams interpreted.

Parsha Vayishlach - Gangstas in Parsha

Welcome to the thug parsha. Jacob’s sons are not just old school gangstas, they are Old Testament! Dina must have despised them. She's hanging with her posse and the prince appears. Of all the girls, he chooses her. He sweeps her up, whisks her away and takes her, apparently not against her will. He falls madly in love, lays his kingdom at her feet and promises eternal romance. Then her brothers kill him.



This parsha is also a wonderful example of peacemaking and its dangers. Shechem, his father Hamor and their community did their best to avoid violence. Like Jacob they offered gifts and kind words. They showed genuine remorse. Esau accepted the propitiation. Simeon and Levi, violent, unloving sleazeballs that they are, did not.

Here's to Esau. Like so many other Torah "villains" he proves himself the most righteous of the bunch.

Parsha Vayeitzei - Laban the mensch

Laban is the real hero of this parsha, despite getting dissed by the rabbis. When he hears Jacob is near he runs to greet him, hugs and kisses him. Rashi say Laban was checking Jacob's mouth for jewels, which means, I guess, Laban gave him tongue. He performs the highest act of righteousness for the penniless Jacob by giving him a job. He scams Jacob into working fourteen years which, for Jacob, "seemed but a few days." In return, Laban gives his nephew his most valuable possessions, his two daughters. Had Jacob gotten is wish and only married Rachel, Israel would have been a much smaller tribe. Rachel bore only two sons (and needed a fertility drug for that) and her maid Bilhah had two. Leah, on the other hand, had seven of Jacob's children (including his only daughter, Dina) and her maid Zilpah added two more.

This is probably the happiest story in the Torah so far. Jacob ends up with everything guys could want: sex and wealth in abundance and true love to boot!

BTW - There is a truly wonderful movie about next week's parsha that we HIGHLY RECOMMEND. - SHABBAT SHALOM! - a & s